Once upon a time I dreamed that we would be living in
Colorado when we had our first child. And then I dreamed we would be back
before we had our second. And I was
absolutely positive we’d be back before I turned 30. Yet here I am, 10 days away from the big 3-0
and still in this season of life I've been wishing away for the past four
years.
A season that has been both joyful and challenging but has
brought so many blessings and memories. First house, first dog, first child,
second child.
Yet I can’t shake the constant nagging in my mind. The voice
reminding me “this isn't where I want to be”. I've often asked God, “is it really too much to just want to be close to
family? I don’t want a fancy house or millions of dollars or anything
extravagant. I just want family.” But I’m slowly beginning to realize that wasn't the season God had planned for us right now.
And I’m (even more slowly) learning to accept it. Of course that doesn't mean I won’t throw the
biggest party ever the day we pack our bags to move home but for now, this is
where we are.
And it’s good. It
really is.
I believe God wants us to do great and mighty things
for Him and He’s called us to listen and obey Him in this. But maybe my own
personal stress is caused by knowing I want to be in a different place and also
wanting to be faithful and trust in his plan.
I believe we were designed to be in the place we are right
now. There is a reason. There is a purpose.
I am beginning to understand that there ARE in fact seasons
of life and right now I may not be where I pictured but I’m learning to be okay
with the fact that my life is running the course God has chosen and not the one
I had chosen.
Just a few pictures from my parent's cabin... someday we'll get to experience fall in Colorado!
Just a few pictures from my parent's cabin... someday we'll get to experience fall in Colorado!
I completely and totally understand where you're at. We were in Kansas City for 6 years. Every anniversary of our move would come and go and it would leave me with the heaviest disappointment. I think during the fourth or fifth year, I felt the Lord ask me if I would always open my heart to distraction & disappointment or if I would allow myself to "bloom where I"m planted" and absorb all that He had for me, where He had me. On the sixth year, a door swung wide open for us to move back and in all honesty, Jeff and I have longed for all that we had in KC. It's so wonderful to be back with family - but again, some days I find myself fighting to "bloom where I'm planted" and not allow the enemy to steal my joy and distract me with what I don't have once again. Anyways - all of that to say, you're not alone! Just keep asking and pouring out the desires of your heart - He hears and He absolutely cares :)
ReplyDelete