Ready or Not

I'm having the strongest feeling of deva vu.  When I was getting towards the end of my pregnancy I was constantly caught between two emotions.  Anticipation and excitement like I'd never known and a small feeling of worry or nerves of the unknown.  I was beyond excited to meet my daughter and to not be pregnant anymore but as each phase of life comes to a close there is a small piece of me that wants to keep things the way they are, the little part of me that always resists change.  Don't get me wrong, I was definitely ready to not be pregnant anymore but I'll admit I was scared to bring home a baby.  To have complete responsibility over a completely helpless infant.   

I'm finding that I feel the same way about Avery turning one.  I am absolutely certain I will love this next stage.  As a toddler she will start to talk, her personality will continue to develop, she will learn so much and I am really looking forward to seeing what this next year brings.  But there are times when I just want to bottle her up and keep her just the way she is.  I love her innocence, her curiosity, her energy.  I don't want these things to ever go away because watching her innocence fills my heart with joy every single day. 

Yes, I know, everyone tells me it will just get better and my head believes and understands.  My heart isn't quite on-board though.  I'm less than excited for her to learn the word "no" or for her to not need me for all the little things... I'm already not allowed to hold her bottle anymore.  Funny, I couldn't wait for her to learn to hold her own bottle.  Very conflicting emotions...

So, ready or not, my little baby turns one tomorrow.  We have a fun day planned and I am so glad I took the day off of work.  She will only have one first birthday and I want to make sure I enjoy each moment of it.

Okay, I'm off to bed... tomorrow's a big day!