Some Days

Some days getting up early and leaving for work before my kiddos are even up is hard.  But some days it feels almost impossible.  My heart aches as I walk out the door without even a goodbye hug.  They are still fast asleep and I have to be out the door by 7:00 to even have a chance of making it to work on time.

It’s been almost two months since my first day back and yes we have a routine down, yes I’ve “gotten used to it” but no, it really doesn’t get any easier.

I still have days where I sit in the bathroom crying.  Wishing I was at home playing dolls with Avery or rocking Asher.  It’s not fair that someone else is getting to do that.  I know, I know.  Life isn’t fair.  Knowing that doesn’t make it any easier.

I’m not writing this for sympathy or to complain.  I simply want them to know one day that I never wanted to leave them.  Being a working mom was not my choice, it is just what I have to do.  Every single day I wish I was home and I don’t want either one of them to ever wonder if I chose my career over being at home. 

I’m still hopeful that at some point in the future I will be able to stay home.  That there will come a day when Matt and I feel like we can survive on one income.  Because I don’t know how much longer I can do this.