Tuesday, May 17, 2011

What I'd really like to do

So, I know my blog is normally all daisies and rainbows but one of the reasons I started this whole blogging adventure was to journal what was happening in our little world. And 99% of the time our world is all about daisies and rainbows – we are very fortunate and I am eternally thankful to be loved by so many and feel very blessed. Fortunately we don’t have too many thunderstorms but I want to be honest with myself and own up to the fact that we do have a few. I just happen to be in the middle of a big one right now.

I’m going out on a limb here. You might think I’m crazy and hey, maybe I am but I have this reoccurring dream. A dream that wakes me up in the middle of the night excited and terrified all at once; a dream that I relive throughout the day and continually ponder how I can make it a reality. Okay, here goes nothing.

Remember that crazy Jet Blue flight attendant who decided one day he couldn’t do it anymore?? He just snapped and said enough is enough. No two-week notice, no logical planning, and no responsibility involved. Well, my dream is similar to this. No, it doesn’t involve jeopardizing the safety of dozens of people or potential legal ramifications but I continually daydream about taking matters in to my own hands. For five years now I’ve wished longed to move back to Colorado. There is a part of me that spends each day thinking about walking in to my supervisor’s office and telling him goodbye and good riddance. From there, I would drive back to my house (in a state of sheer panic over what I had just done) and inform my husband that we are moving... now. Okay maybe I’m doing things backwards but remember it is just a dream.

I even have a “to do” list all drawn up in my head… 1. Tell husband 1a. Try to convince husband get on the crazy wagon with me. 2. Post “house for rent” on Craigslist, 3. Frantically search every Colorado help-wanted, classified ad, job search website out there. 4. Start packing - decide if we can do it ourselves or if we need to call movers. 4a. call movers (just being realistic here)… it had to happen at some point during this crazy rant. 5. Look for a house to rent in FORT COLLINS. 6. Work non-stop for as long as it takes to get all loose ends tied up. 7. Get the hell out of Dodge.

If you live in the DFW area, please don’t take offense to this. North Texas is a perfectly nice place to live. It’s just not for me. Trust me, I’ve tried. I’ve tried to stay positive, to find the good, and to some degree I feel like I have. But this just isn’t where I belong.

The hardest part of all of this is I don’t know how to make this crazy, unrealistic, completely irresponsible dream into a feasible reality. And that makes me very sad. I hate not having an answer or a solution.

Maybe I should just go for it… what do you think hubby?? How mad would you be if you came home tonight and found a "for rent" sign in our front yard and your wife packing bags?? Maybe, just maybe, you’d smile and say, I’m glad you did this. It will be good for all three of us. Maybe not.  Either way, I have to be honest, I'm pretty darned tempted to find out.


  1. Oh, friend, I completely know how you feel. It is so hard. Press on!!!

  2. I completely understand where you are coming from! I think we all can admit we have days where we just want to say “I’m done” and “I’m out”. I know I do that all the time. I have the opposite dream though—a dream of moving far away, away from work, family drama, responsibilities, etc. Yet, I’ve never lived anywhere outside of Northern Colorado, so I can only imagine how you feel. I dream of moving away, but I know it would be the hardest thing I would ever have to do. I applaud you, Europe and then Texas. Follow your heart, do what is best for you and your family and everything in the end will work out okay! IF this dream does come true—Fort Collins would love to have you back! :)